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Life is all about experiences - good and bad ones. There are two opposing things in our lives and we can't just get rid of them. We expe...

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

I want to be straight-forward in sharing this sensitive topic because I don't want to be judgmental. For always, I want to be true to my dear readers.

I'm not Miss Near Perfect. I'm just a girl who wants to live life, learn from it and share my blessings. I've been to the lowest low and the opposite side is very liberating - the feeling of happily ever after - the moment we all want to seize.

I'm not really heartbroken. The perfect words to describe how I feel right now is being reborn. If you'll look at my photo, you'll never see any hint of sadness, guilt and pain. I'm an expert in hiding emotions and I think it gives me so much power as I deal with people around me. I can hold my own very well. That's the way I am.

But I have done something wrong. It's true. I have a dark secret. It isn't very dark because I've never crossed that far to do anything that can tarnish my reputation. Still, any wrongdoing isn't looked upon any degree of allowance when it's comes to karma.

I've almost ruined everything that I built, but it was stopped for all the good reasons. From the very start, I knew that it should be negated to avoid the consequences that will eventually follow from it. At least, I wasn't annihilated by the darker side of me. I just learned from it.

The storm is not yet over - I should remain calm, wise and strong.
I know that only fools rush in so I didn't appear giddy about the choice that I had last August 2015. I was prepared for everything out of curiosity. After all, first-hand experience is the best tool for a writer like me at the expense of my fragile heart. Sad.

How It Started

I noticed a man who is obviously older than me - in a place that [I cannot state here.] It's a beautiful place - perfect for dreamers like us.

He's absolutely curious about me because every time I look up, he's intently staring at me. His eyes are wandering all over me, searching for the mystery of my presence. Would you believe that it started when I became so curious of the intensity of his gaze? Since I'm not the type who is comfortable with people I'm not acquainted with, I avoided him.

Later on, there's something in him that translates to me in a very mysterious way, but something really dangerous - knowing the way I live my life. I've never done something stupid before. Now that I've tried acting as a rebellious child, I have to accept all the consequences of my actions.

What I Learned

Let me base my words on some of the 26 rules mentioned in the book, "Etiquette for Mistresses" by Julie Yap-Daza.

1. If you're involved with a married man, don't believe everything he wants you to believe in the first place. Don't believe his words that you're perfect for him. Aside from just listening to everything, just smile and pretend you liked it. At the end of the day, everything he shared to you will become dust in the shadows of regrets.

The game plan is to stay grounded. I enjoyed him being sweet and all that - but I never took it seriously. We know that as a rule, "men are liars." If you're going to ask him if still love his wife after sharing all his marriage grievances [just like what Bea Alonzo's character in A Love Affair], prepare to hear the answer, "she needs me," because it will take your breath away. Just don't take it seriously. Please.

2Be prepared to be a holiday orphan. As stated in the book, "Mistresses should be ready to give up Valentine's Day, Christmas Day, New Year, Holy Week and his birthday," you should accept the fact that you're not part of the circus. I wasn't lucky that his birth month is August. Obviously, I lost all the "tickets" to be there despite the fact that he told me a few days ago that I'd be counted. Don't dream. It won't happen. No wonder I just smiled when he told me that we will go somewhere that time.

3Never believe, and never say anything unfriendly about his wife, not even after he recites a litany of her faults. Don't add anything to his litany because you have no idea how he made it up just to make you believe he's into you. My technique was simple - I just listen very carefully, give him time to spill it out, give sympathy and be melodramatic. But, in the end, I only praised him for being such a good husband and father and stated that, "I have no words to stay, I am not her." Very safe, eh!

4It is helpful for a mistress to have her own network of friends. I'm not a real mistress, but at least I have an idea why it's so important to have your own allies in this kind of game. Obviously, it's necessary to enlist them as your spies when you needed it most. When things turned sour, my friends rallied behind me for total support. So it was easy for me to act like a queen amidst the battle. I became so empowered that moving on swiftly happened.


Image | This Wall Between Us

5Perish all thought that someday you'll be number 1. Don't ever think that you'll become the first lady, especially if he has kids with his wife. Any woman in love may act like a madwoman, but she cannot act like a fool.

6Resist the urge to shower him with gifts. Avoid evidences! I told him, "I have something for you. It's an artwork," He said, "Sad because I can't take it with me." "You can put it in your locker," I probed more. "No. What if she will discover it?" That's it! Avoid evidences! He will always find a way to hide everything.

7. When all else fails, leave him. This is my favorite scene. I know that it's the hardest part of the situation, but it's really important to know when to disappear. Forget everything that happened. Those emotions are just emotions - feelings that can easily be set aside. Act like a queen - strong, wise and compassionate.

What happens when you run into him and a woman not his wife?

Yes. This situation happened a few days we decided to end everything. By accident, I saw him meeting another girl not his wife in the same dining place that we used to visit a few days back. How did I handle the circumstance? I sat in the most strategic location and stayed calm. Then, he passed by me with a forced smile and a matching signal that he's moving on after the shameful scene. Obviously, he's aware that I'm not stupid and I've already figured it out.

What if everything falls into the right places afterwards? For example, a common friend will give you information about him - things that will help you understand him. Just be grateful. Don't take it personally. You've got your fair share of the situation, the things your learned are enough. Leave everything behind. The odds are not on your favor. You've done something wrong, remember?

How I Handled It

It's not simple. I played along. Even though I just mirrored his actions, I was really honest when we became really close friends. I gave him true friendship. The only thing that I kept to myself is to negate the idea that he loved me. I know it was part of the game of seduction - no matter how sweet it is/was - I have to admit that it isn't for real. In the end, I felt bad because I lost the friendship. But, at least, I learned many things. After all, it's one of the reasons I got involved in the situation. It's to live and to learn - and have the guts to fight for love, life and happiness.

Here's a post of Spot.ph about the Etiquette for Mistresses movie.

By the way, please don't ask me about the name of the Alpha Male.

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Karen Lopez (Krincess Carl) is a passionate fashion blogger from the Philippines. She founded this blog last November 8, 2013. Karen started blogging way back in 2009 while working for an off-shore company. She likes visiting new places, mingling with other people and learning new things. As a blogger, she loves to write about amazing travel experiences, food preparation and styling. Aside from fashion and travel, Karen loves gardening and taking care of her dog, Enzo.